Our dear friend, Anxiety
It’s my belief that more often than not, humans harbor the answer to their own problems inside of them. And whether the answer lies deep within or just beneath the surface, is the work of therapy. This is what determines the duration, modalities and interventions used in the treatment. Since each person who comes through my (virtual) door has unique life experiences that have shaped them to their core, I will tailor treatment accordingly so that we can find the path to their answer.
Anxiety is one of the most if not the most common symptom experienced by my clients. Of course it presents in many different ways: compulsions, depression, stress, fear, negative self talk… to name a few. But there’s one consistent sentiment: anxiety is a monster. Now don’t get me wrong, there are absolutely instances where anxiety is 100% a debilitating, harmful, out of control demon whose one and only mission is to turn us against ourselves and continuously rob us of any joy, trust and overall wellbeing lol (been there). But there are also many, many instances where anxiety, just like anger, is there to inform us of something that is just not right.
Anxiety at its most primal expression is a reaction to perceived or actual danger - think fight or flight. It’s our sympathetic nervous system preparing to take action to protect us…which is incredibly intelligent and necessary. So what if we hold this positive framework for anxiety when addressing it in our daily lives? At this point in my life, anxiety is my friend. And like with any friendship, there are ups and downs, moments of deep trust and closeness, as well as distance, turmoil and at times betrayal. I can decipher when my anxiety is serving me and when it is betraying me. But this is after years of fighting it, surrendering to it, facing it, avoiding it, listening to it, and loving it.
For example, when I travel alone (which happens a lot) my anxiety tries to betray me constantly. It presents as catastrophic thoughts, stomach knots, repressed appetite and sometimes deep, deep sadness. These are times when I have to challenge my anxiety. I have to question its’ rationale, if there is any at all. Other times, today for example, I felt anxious about my schedule for the day. There were so many projects I wanted to tackle, many of which can’t be completed in only one day anyway. After talking with my therapist mid-day, I realized what my anxiety was trying to tell me. I was putting way too much pressure on myself. My anxiety was responding to my perfectionism, my perceived dearth of time, the completely unrealistic expectation that everything needed to be done today.
I told one of my clients earlier to try not to demonize their anxiety and see what it reveals for them. What if we practiced deep curiosity about seemingly distressing emotions rather than categorizing them as negative and harmful? At times I am grateful for my anxiety, its’ teachings were truly invaluable today.